So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
