I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
