I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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