Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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