The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
