She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
