what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
