we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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