Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
