Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
