I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
