OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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