Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
