Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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