The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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