I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
