she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
