problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
