Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
