whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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