this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
