im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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