Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
