i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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