all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize