Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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