Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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