I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is the high leading the old right now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
