That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize