I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
