I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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