I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
