Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
