Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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