Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
