I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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