1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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