Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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