Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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