For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
