The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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