beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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