so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
