trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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