she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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