Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
