I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
