Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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