I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
third nipple confirmed
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
