i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
