i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Panties = found
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
