i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
