thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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