How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
