i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
