also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
