Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
