I bet he comes in French.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
