Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
