Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
