he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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