If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
