just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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