Define "chronic" masturbator.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
