Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
