so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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