During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
