Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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