you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We talked him into tasing himself.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Randomize
