I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
