no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
