she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
