I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
