they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
