Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Semen is not good for contacts.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
