you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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