I should be sponsored by Trojan
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
