she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize