why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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