My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
