Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
