pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
