Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
